Being yourself!

Ok so I figured I would write a blog post this time a little differently, then I have in the passed! My previous ones have been more like a journal! Journaling what I did during the day in Ecuador, what God was showing me and how He was speaking to me! 

This post I thought I would take a different approach and write a topic of something that has been on my mind and what I've been working through in my life! So we will call this post...

BEING YOURSELF! 

Let's start off with a few questions! What's it mean to be yourself? 

When do you be yourself? 

Why is it so scary to be yourself? 

What are your fears about being yourself? 

How do you be yourself? 

Do you know who or what it looks like to be yourself? 

I'm sure most of you are like me answered those questions in your head! Did you like you answers? 

So let's start with who you are! Who am I!?! In Genesis 1:26 it says that we were made in God image! That means each of us have a piece if God in us! Think about that! The bible also says that we were planned way before we were born! (Ps 139:16!)

Ok so now comes the question what are we afraid of and how do we get passed it? 

Are you afraid of being judged? Or maybe you are afraid that no one will like you! I know personally I have gone through all these questions and answers in my life, and truth be told I'm still going some of them! My gut instinct is to put up walls and let no one in to protect myself but in the passed 2 months I'm learning to not put up those walls and to let God protect me. 

But what's cool and reassuring and very comforting is that when you look to God for self esteem to be yourself He is faithful!

 However, His faithfulness says nothing about it being easy! It's as hard as hell! But also in the bible God encourages us many times that He will never leave us or forsake us (Deut 31:6, Heb 13:5) and also that He will give us the strength to do it! (Phil 4:13). 

Finding and using God confidence instead of self confidence I believe helps and makes it easier to be comfortable being yourself! 

The truth is tho if we aren't ourselves all the time not only are others confused on who we really are but in turn we confuse ourselves too! It's like you almost forget who you really are! I know I personally am afraid to me myself sometimes cuz I am always worried about what people think, those are the times when God stops me in my thinking and asked me what's more important?  What I see and think of you or what other see and think of you! Ultimately it matters what God thinks but again I know that doesn't make it easier! I know what you are probably thinking! But people are tangible, you can feel them, you can see them, you can hear their voice, and have an actual conversation with people! And you are right! But we gotta look at the bigger picture! And I am guilty of not doing this myself! People come and go out of your life but God is faithful! And honestly if people can't see or like you the way you are, are they really worth having around? 

Probably not! 

Another thing if we aren't ourselves people just like you, will not know the real you! And you will always have to wear masks and remember which mask to wear, and when! Are you hiding behind a mask? If so why!?! And are you willing to take that mask off! 

If you keep masks on you are depriving the people of knowing the real you that was created in the image of God! Are you willing to be volunerable today! Are you willing to be real? To be yourself! It's not easy! No where in the bible does it say that everything will be easy when you come to Christ! Rest assured tho that you are not alone! We all struggle with fears and worries about being ourselves! 

This morning I came across a prayer of obedience that I believe fits in with this, so I am going to close with that! 

Prayer for Obedience:

 "Thank You for leading me, God. I pray that Your strength and wisdom would be with me as I make decisions that follow Your path. Help me to put Your Word to the test in my life so that my obedience will be a blessing to everyone who sees You working in me. Lord, help me to stay focused on You so the obstacles that come up won't seem impossible to overcome. I know all things are possible through You, and I thank You for the privilege of doing any small task that brings You glory. Let my name be forgotten, Lord, and Yours be remembered. Amen."  

If you take anything outta reading this post I pray you take away that you are not alone, that you are special, that when you are yourself it can be scary as heck but totally worth it! 

ARE YOU WILLING TO TAKE OFF THE MASKS!?! 

WOW TIME FLIES!!!

I can not believe that it's been almost a year since I've been to Quito :-( it feels like yesterday but at the same time it feels like forever ago! Lol if that makes sense! 

Where to begin! This year has definitely had its ups and downs that for sure! When I first got back I was strongly with Bactria infection, I was in quite a lot of discomfort, however God amazing powerful hand healed my body and I didn't have to finish off the meds! Thank God! 

After that was done and I was back to normal!! I definitely went thru the 5 f's. Which we learned I learning during my first missions experience back in 2011! 1. Fun 2. Fight 3. Flee 4. Fit and 5. Fruit. 

First of all I'm gonna explain the 5 of them before I continue! 

1. Fun...a first you are so excited about your experiences you wanna tell EVERYONE that will listen! And every story is the best story and it's soooo hard to choose just one! 

2. Fight... No one understands your experiences and it seems like no one really cares (even if that's the truth of not!) and the way of life is sooo different where you just were, so much simpler there. That you wanna change home! 

3. Flee... You come to the realization it's like impossible to change home and peoples thinking and u still feel like no one cares you flee! Flee to the memories, it's almost like you are living back there in your mind. 

4. Fit...You are just tried of it all so you just fit back into like as you know it, still from time to time think of the memories. But you think of it way less often! 

5. Fruit...A lot of people stop at the Fit, cuz it's easy! But fruit is bearing good fruit like in john 15:5 "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing" The fruit is the outcome of a missions experience! 

Oh so now back to me, lol! Back to what I was saying! I definitely went through the 5 f's, a lot faster then the times before! That being said I'd like to say that I am at the bearing fruit stage! 

As I said before I have been through ups and downs! However! Since April tho I have been in the ups, and am continued to go up! End of April I started in a prayer ministry group! For those that are not familiar with what prayer ministry is, I will be happy to tell you! I am only speaking for my experiences tho! Ok so here goes! So I meet with two incredible woman that have from what I can see the gifts of discernment and prayer! We sit in a room and pray! The last few meeting we have prayed over curses that we spoken over me and about me and passed on to me generationally! That prayer was amazing! At the beginning I was very tense inside, and at the end I was so full of joy that I couldn't stop smiling it was a fantastic feeling!! I am also able to say that I have been able to forgave my birth family! 

It's been sooo good to become the woman that God wants me to be! And I am so excited to see what God has in store for me! It can only get better from here! I am honestly truly learning what Jeremiah 29:11 really means...I know what you are thinking...wow that is the most over used verse EVER and I truly agree with that! However I can say honestly that I am getting to know and believing that God knows the plans for me, plans to prosper, plans for hope and a future!!! He truly has a plan for me! And it's all in His timing, he knows what I need and when!!! 

Another super exciting thing is that I am on a new healthy life style!!! I know it's kinda ironic that I started in January (news years resolution) and Maybe it was subconsciously but ya! I am definitely noticing a difference and and so excited to continue this new transformation! GOD IS GOOD!!! 

That was summer to now! 

I am very sad that I will not going back to Quito this summer! I have been there three years in a row! Part of my hear is and always will be in Quito! Lord willing I will go back soon! To my Ecuadorian momma Raquel (Rachel) please have my bed ready on a moments notice!!! Lol love and miss you all my Ecuadorian family! You always make me feel so loved n appreciate! One day I hope to bring my future family (Lord willing) to meet you all! You all have played a very important role in my life in the last 3 years!!! Words can't explain how I feel about you all! <3

As all of my other posts I have ended them with asking you to all pray for me! So this post will end this post like that too! I ask you all to pray that I continue to heal and become the woman God created me to be! That I continue to seek His face! Especially in my future! Not knowing what He has in store is very hard sometimes and scary! But I am soooo pumped to start this new chapter in my life whatever God has in store!!! EXCITING!!!! Thanks again for reading!!! God bless you all! Thank you for walking this journey with me!!! 

Being back is both easy and HARD...

I've been home for a week and 2 days. It's been soooo hard but on the other had is easy and nice to be back! 

Let's start with the positive, why it's nice and easy to be back! Well one this picture says it all! 

I got to spend time with Booo!! It was sooo good to see her and take her to church! And the dress she is wearing I brought back with me from Ecuador! It looks precious on her! I just love this little girl to pieces and I missed her like tons!!! 

And I also missed the little girl I work with! Seeing her little face the Monday after I got back was awesome! Made it a lot easier to come back to work as well as the family gave me beautiful sunflowers to welcome me back! They were beautiful!! Made me feel extremely special!!! 

And I just moved into a place of my own! It's huge and beautiful! I love the space! I feel extremely blessed! 

Ok now to why it's soooo hard to be back, well the given is I miss Ecuador and the people and the friends soooo much, I'm finding that the most times I go to Ecuador the harder the re-entering reality is...this past time was my 3 time going to Ecuador and this time is and has definitely been the hardest. 

In Ecuador when I was with the heartland team, we were told about the 5 f's. Fun, Fight, Flee, Fit and Fruit....I believe I'm either on the fight or flee stage I'm not sure! 

I'm betting some of you don't understand what the 5 F's means, so lets start with that! 

Fun-is the fun that u have experienced on a missions experience! 

Fight-an example is when you are home and u have cold showers cuz on the missions experience you didn't have hot showers!

Flee-is when u only stick with the team you went with on the missions experience cuz they know what you gave

Fit-is when you fit back into normal life and it feels like before you left on your missions experience .

Fruit-is when you put into practice something that you learned during your mission experience that changes your life back at home and sometimes changes your world around you as well it brings God glory!!!

It's like the parable of the sower that Jesus told in Matthew 13:1-23! Or this verse 'that has come to you. In the same way, the gospel is bearing fruit and growing throughout the whole world—just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and truly understood God’s grace.' (Colossians 1:6 NIV)

Every day multiple times during the day I find myself missing and wanting to be in Ecuador! I am trying to enjoy life here and count my many many blessing but I find it hard a lot of the time! 

I am not sure what God has in store for me at all in the future! Please continue to pray with me that I hear and listen to Gods voice and direction in my life. And for my emotions and heart, they are soooo torn and I am not sure what to do! 

Thanks for all the love and support and prayers! I appreciate every single one of you as I walk through this journey! 

Back home

Well I got home yesterday at 2:30pm, it was soooo good to see Joanne and Hannah at the airport! And it was great catching up! 

When I got home I put my flowers into water! 

And they didn't die, they look amazing! I love them!!! Liz please tell your mom I love them and again THANK YOU!!! 

And everyone said that they loved my hand bag too!  

At 5pm I went to the dr! Only had to wait an hr which is really isn't that long at all at health first! The dr told me that the dr in Ecuador gave me the right stuff! I am starting to feel better during the day, however when I eat my gut really hurts. 

I tried to go to bed early last night but my body thought different...I couldn't stop coughing for like two hrs last night. It was annoying. 

This morning I got up at 11:30am after trying to get up like 3 times, I kept saying I should get up and then would fall back asleep! Lol I guess my body needed the sleep! 

After I ate some breakfast I went to my new place and got the keys!!!! It's soooo amazing!!! I feel soooooooo blessed!!! 

 It rained like crazy here this afternoon 

Then I just hung out and relaxed! I really miss Ecuador tho! Every part of it, even the chicken! Lol I miss everyone sooo much! I think I've whatsapp like every minute! Sorry guys if I'm being annoying! 

I was soooo happy and excited that I got to Skype n Facebook my amigos in Ecuador! It was sooo good to hear your voices and see your faces! Made me wanna be at church with u guys :-( I miss you guys more then u know! 

Tonight was church time! It was great to see some of the youth at the Gate we had a service outside, it was nice to be outside! 

It was hard to be there in the moment cuz my stomach was killing me, it was shooting sharp pains! I was in soooo much pain, a few of the youth prayed for me! I love being a part of a family of God that can pray for each other! I feels so special n cared for! Thanks! 

After church I started packing! I packed all of my willow tree ornaments up and some of my DVDs! Then my stomach attacked me! And I had to stop packing for the night! 

So I'm relaxing with Joanne watching so you think you can dance!  And then bedtime! Can't wait for tomorrow!!! I get to see K-Lynn...after a month!!! I miss that little one like CRAZY!!! 

Look at her face!!! Love it! <3 can't wait to see her!!!! Good night please continue to pray for my body! My stomach n my cough! 

Last days in Quito :-(

Hey! So I know I missed a day! That was Wednesday the 14th...there wasn't much to write, as I was stuck in bed pretty much all day...soooo boring however I did sleep a ton and I did rest! My second last day and I rested! That was my word, at the very beginning...REST! Well I rested! It was a forced rest but now that I look at it it was a much needed rest! 

In the evening Joe left to help lead another missions team from his church, this one, he was going to the beach! He left at 10pm, I honestly didn't think that saying goodbye to him would affect me soooo badly! I didn't think I'd cry, but I did...like a baby! I think it was a mixture of saying goodbye (and as I wrote a few weeks ago I hate saying goodbye), being sick, and being emotionally and physically drained! I found myself crying for like an hour, talking to a few of you back at home, I was grateful for you as you walked me through how I was feeling and what was going on inside of me! It definitely helped! Thank The Lord for today's technology!!! Go iMessage! 

A sweet God story tho was like after I was finished crying and talking with a few of you, I heard a door open, and heard a voice that sounded a lot like Joe's...I went out to the dinning room n sure enough it was! He had came back cuz he had forgotten a guitar and his retainer! I took that as a gift from God! One last hug! 

My last day I was kinda worried I'm not gonna lie! Being in Joe's house alone not not able to speak or understand much Spanish but God again surprised me! The morning wasn't as bad as I thought at all! 

As I was finishing packing Rachel Joe's mom gave me gorgeous hand made with love bathroom decor!!! She had sewed it herself! I felt very honoured and extremely special! Thanks my Ecuadorian mom!!! I love you! 

In the afternoon Liz came to get me! And I went to her house! I had lunch there! And then we headed downtown cuz we wanted to go to the White House but there was a protest, the president was making some kinda announcement! Liz told me but I really didn't understand! 

Here are a few pics! 

And 

And the protest

Liz, Liz's mom and I were looking for a back pack for me, a traditional one but trying to find that was like trying to find a needle in a hay stack! I was getting kinda frustrated cuz nothing I wanted to do was working that afternoon, and I still wasn't feeling a 100%....and then Liz's mom just totally made my day! She bought me this! 

The most beautiful hand bag I've ever seen or owned!!  And some gorgeous flowers! How I definitely feel so loved n special! Words can't even express how I feel! 

B4 we headed back we stopped at a store and got these made! 

After the downtown experience we went back to Joe's house so I could take a shower b4 my long travel home! 

Then Joe's parents, Liz, David, Belen, and Belen's sister circled around me and prayed over me! Rachel said it in Spanish and Liz translated!!! Way to go Liz!!! And David prayed in English!!! I was soooo proud of him cuz he'd never prayed out loud in English before!!! 

Then we weed off to the airport! On the way the car started to over heat, so Joe's parents had to stay with the car n I hopped into Belen's car with David and Liz! And we were off to the airport! 

I checked in and then we said goodbyes :-( so hard and sad! David gave me one of the best gifts EVER!!! A Jands t-shirt!!! That is their youth group! I really really wanted one! And he gave me one as a goodbye gift!!! 

And to top it off I got to hear Joe's voice one last time on the phone!!! 

Saying goodbye sucks big time! But I pray that coming to Ecuador now can be a yearly thing! As a holiday! Or who knows maybe more! Joe I'm serious if you find me a job teaching English I'd seriously consider it!!! 

And I hope and pray that Liz and Joe can come to Canada next summer!!! I told them not to come in the winter cuz they would freeze to death! 

I love and will miss you all my Ecuadorian friend n family! You will always be in my heart!!! 

Well I am currently in the Houston airport waiting for my flight to Denver! I get to fly to Denver! 

Please pray for my stomach it's not doing so well! I ate breakfast and immediately had to  use the washroom! About to take Imodium again...would appreciate ur prayers! Thanks! 

Canada here I come! 

Ugh so Houston won't left me post...hopefully Denver will, I am in Denver! Last flight, last leg!!! 

The last plane was huge! 2 aisles! Like there was 3 seats in the middle of the plane! Biggest plane I've been on!!! 

And free tv! 

Ok I better board or they will leave without me! See u soon Canada! 

Zoo and hospital

Hey so yesterday was a LONG day! I got up at 8am and had bread for breakfast and headed to the Zoo! We took 2 city buses, a ride with a creepy guy (cuz we hitch hike...don't worry I wasn't alone Joe and 7 of his friends were there too!) and a coach bus and a ride in the back of a pickup truck...all to get to the Zoo! Took us like 2 hrs! 

I was really excited to go and really enjoyed it until like an hour or so into our time at the zoo...I became sick, the worst I've ever been in my life, it was coming out of both ends and pain full :-( so we headed back but only took a ride in the pickup, 2 buses and a taxi home! No hitch hiking! 

When I got home I took turns sleeping and pooing! Finally in the evening like 630 Joe decided I needed to go into the hospital to get checked out cuz I was still in a lot of pain, freezing, couldn't stop having diarrhea, and hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. 

We first went to the international hospital but had to leave there cuz a) I didn't have a credit card and b) didn't have $200-300 to spend to get checked out. So Joe took me to a hospital that his mom went to to have a knee surgery like a month ago! It was a nice hospital, the nurses n drs knew what they were doing, and there was no wait time and even bigger bonus was it only costed me $20! 

After pooing in a cup and After They took blood...(they could find a vein, cuz I'm dehydrated they ended up taking it from between my elbow n my wrist...OH MY GOODNESS was that PAINFUL! I actually was screaming n crying) we waited for the test results to come in. 

Lol Joe took a pic of me in the hospital! Sorry it's not a pretty pic!

The results are I have a very bad intestine infection I'm on lots of meds! Gross ones I might add! 

I have not slept this much in my whole life I have no energy :-( please pray I start feeling better as I fly home tomorrow night and arrive home Friday afternoon! THANK YOU!! Today I'm just gonna rest! It's hard to rest when I know I'm leaving tomorrow n I wanna go do stuff! :-(

'Home' sweet home!!! Aug 12

Wow what a night! Longest bus ride EVER!!! I slept maybe 3 hrs in the whole 12 hrs! I couldn't sleep cuz the bus was sooooo HOT! And I was so uncomfortable!  The rest of the time I made up songs like... "Where are we, where are we, I don't know, I don't know. Somewhere in Ecuador, somewhere in Ecuador. We are lost!" Lol and it was a one hit wonder! Lol today everyone from the team is singing it lol!!! Also I was Dora all night, cuz there was a Diego on the team! And Sergio was swipper the fox and Emily was boots lol yup I know I sound nuts... This is what happens to be at 3:30am lol

So we got home at 8:30am and I went to sleep! And I slept till 3pm! I was worried cuz some of the team was suppose to come over at 3 for desserts, lol not sure why I was soooo worried, this is Ecuador, and Ecuador time means ur on time if you are 1 hr late!!! Lol so I had time to slowly wake up and take a HOT and RELAXING shower! 

So at 4pm people started showing up and Liz, Genesis and I made...a chocolate cake, white cupcakes, chocolate chip cookies and non-bake cookies! It was awesome, tiring but so much fun!!! 

After the food was consumed lol or devoured lol the guys cleaned up!!! I was soooo shocked that a lot of them had never had these sweets before, I had to buy a muffin tin and a cookie sheet cuz Joe's mom didn't have one. Another thing I take for granted!!! 

For supper we went to one of Joe's friends house, we finally ate at 11pm! We have rice, chicken and French fries! Sooo yummy! I was starving! 

And now it's bed time!!! Good night all