Monday, 16 June 2014

Being yourself!

Ok so I figured I would write a blog post this time a little differently, then I have in the passed! My previous ones have been more like a journal! Journaling what I did during the day in Ecuador, what God was showing me and how He was speaking to me! 

This post I thought I would take a different approach and write a topic of something that has been on my mind and what I've been working through in my life! So we will call this post...

Let's start off with a few questions! What's it mean to be yourself? 
When do you be yourself? 
Why is it so scary to be yourself? 
What are your fears about being yourself? 
How do you be yourself? 
Do you know who or what it looks like to be yourself? 

I'm sure most of you are like me answered those questions in your head! Did you like you answers? 

So let's start with who you are! Who am I!?! In Genesis 1:26 it says that we were made in God image! That means each of us have a piece if God in us! Think about that! The bible also says that we were planned way before we were born! (Ps 139:16!)

Ok so now comes the question what are we afraid of and how do we get passed it? 
Are you afraid of being judged? Or maybe you are afraid that no one will like you! I know personally I have gone through all these questions and answers in my life, and truth be told I'm still going some of them! My gut instinct is to put up walls and let no one in to protect myself but in the passed 2 months I'm learning to not put up those walls and to let God protect me. 

But what's cool and reassuring and very comforting is that when you look to God for self esteem to be yourself He is faithful!

 However, His faithfulness says nothing about it being easy! It's as hard as hell! But also in the bible God encourages us many times that He will never leave us or forsake us (Deut 31:6, Heb 13:5) and also that He will give us the strength to do it! (Phil 4:13). 

Finding and using God confidence instead of self confidence I believe helps and makes it easier to be comfortable being yourself! 

The truth is tho if we aren't ourselves all the time not only are others confused on who we really are but in turn we confuse ourselves too! It's like you almost forget who you really are! I know I personally am afraid to me myself sometimes cuz I am always worried about what people think, those are the times when God stops me in my thinking and asked me what's more important?  What I see and think of you or what other see and think of you! Ultimately it matters what God thinks but again I know that doesn't make it easier! I know what you are probably thinking! But people are tangible, you can feel them, you can see them, you can hear their voice, and have an actual conversation with people! And you are right! But we gotta look at the bigger picture! And I am guilty of not doing this myself! People come and go out of your life but God is faithful! And honestly if people can't see or like you the way you are, are they really worth having around? 
Probably not! 

Another thing if we aren't ourselves people just like you, will not know the real you! And you will always have to wear masks and remember which mask to wear, and when! Are you hiding behind a mask? If so why!?! And are you willing to take that mask off! 

If you keep masks on you are depriving the people of knowing the real you that was created in the image of God! Are you willing to be volunerable today! Are you willing to be real? To be yourself! It's not easy! No where in the bible does it say that everything will be easy when you come to Christ! Rest assured tho that you are not alone! We all struggle with fears and worries about being ourselves! 

This morning I came across a prayer of obedience that I believe fits in with this, so I am going to close with that! 
Prayer for Obedience:
 "Thank You for leading me, God. I pray that Your strength and wisdom would be with me as I make decisions that follow Your path. Help me to put Your Word to the test in my life so that my obedience will be a blessing to everyone who sees You working in me. Lord, help me to stay focused on You so the obstacles that come up won't seem impossible to overcome. I know all things are possible through You, and I thank You for the privilege of doing any small task that brings You glory. Let my name be forgotten, Lord, and Yours be remembered. Amen."  

If you take anything outta reading this post I pray you take away that you are not alone, that you are special, that when you are yourself it can be scary as heck but totally worth it! 


Friday, 13 June 2014


I can not believe that it's been almost a year since I've been to Quito :-( it feels like yesterday but at the same time it feels like forever ago! Lol if that makes sense! 

Where to begin! This year has definitely had its ups and downs that for sure! When I first got back I was strongly with Bactria infection, I was in quite a lot of discomfort, however God amazing powerful hand healed my body and I didn't have to finish off the meds! Thank God! 

After that was done and I was back to normal!! I definitely went thru the 5 f's. Which we learned I learning during my first missions experience back in 2011! 1. Fun 2. Fight 3. Flee 4. Fit and 5. Fruit. 

First of all I'm gonna explain the 5 of them before I continue! 
1. Fun...a first you are so excited about your experiences you wanna tell EVERYONE that will listen! And every story is the best story and it's soooo hard to choose just one! 

2. Fight... No one understands your experiences and it seems like no one really cares (even if that's the truth of not!) and the way of life is sooo different where you just were, so much simpler there. That you wanna change home! 

3. Flee... You come to the realization it's like impossible to change home and peoples thinking and u still feel like no one cares you flee! Flee to the memories, it's almost like you are living back there in your mind

4. Fit...You are just tried of it all so you just fit back into like as you know it, still from time to time think of the memories. But you think of it way less often! 

5. Fruit...A lot of people stop at the Fit, cuz it's easy! But fruit is bearing good fruit like in john 15:5 "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing" The fruit is the outcome of a missions experience! 

Oh so now back to me, lol! Back to what I was saying! I definitely went through the 5 f's, a lot faster then the times before! That being said I'd like to say that I am at the bearing fruit stage! 

As I said before I have been through ups and downs! However! Since April tho I have been in the ups, and am continued to go up! End of April I started in a prayer ministry group! For those that are not familiar with what prayer ministry is, I will be happy to tell you! I am only speaking for my experiences tho! Ok so here goes! So I meet with two incredible woman that have from what I can see the gifts of discernment and prayer! We sit in a room and pray! The last few meeting we have prayed over curses that we spoken over me and about me and passed on to me generationally! That prayer was amazing! At the beginning I was very tense inside, and at the end I was so full of joy that I couldn't stop smiling it was a fantastic feeling!! I am also able to say that I have been able to forgave my birth family! 

It's been sooo good to become the woman that God wants me to be! And I am so excited to see what God has in store for me! It can only get better from here! I am honestly truly learning what Jeremiah 29:11 really means...I know what you are that is the most over used verse EVER and I truly agree with that! However I can say honestly that I am getting to know and believing that God knows the plans for me, plans to prosper, plans for hope and a future!!! He truly has a plan for me! And it's all in His timing, he knows what I need and when!!! 

Another super exciting thing is that I am on a new healthy life style!!! I know it's kinda ironic that I started in January (news years resolution) and Maybe it was subconsciously but ya! I am definitely noticing a difference and and so excited to continue this new transformation! GOD IS GOOD!!! 
That was summer to now! 

I am very sad that I will not going back to Quito this summer! I have been there three years in a row! Part of my hear is and always will be in Quito! Lord willing I will go back soon! To my Ecuadorian momma Raquel (Rachel) please have my bed ready on a moments notice!!! Lol love and miss you all my Ecuadorian family! You always make me feel so loved n appreciate! One day I hope to bring my future family (Lord willing) to meet you all! You all have played a very important role in my life in the last 3 years!!! Words can't explain how I feel about you all! <3

As all of my other posts I have ended them with asking you to all pray for me! So this post will end this post like that too! I ask you all to pray that I continue to heal and become the woman God created me to be! That I continue to seek His face! Especially in my future! Not knowing what He has in store is very hard sometimes and scary! But I am soooo pumped to start this new chapter in my life whatever God has in store!!! EXCITING!!!! Thanks again for reading!!! God bless you all! Thank you for walking this journey with me!!!