Hello everyone! It's been awhile since I've written on my blog. I thought I'd give you guys all an update. So here I go!
On Friday of last week I received an email ACCI missions. In this email they began to tell me that they had a Skype meeting with Casa de Fe and have decided that that was not a good fit for me. Lemme just tell you that was extremely hard for me to read. I was actually working at the time and I was in the 'new' library in Sherwood Park. So I went to the washroom and the years came. I instantly felt like I had failed you all, myself and God, and a lot so confused and rejected. Because of my confusion I instantly started doubting whether I had actually heard God. It was VERY hard to handle to say the least.
I didn't know what to do so I messages Wade the youth pastor at my home church and he gave me some words of encouragement, and I also talked to Bev Otto and my parents. Everyone that I talked to told me that I hadn't failed anyone. I listened their words but really honestly didn't believe them. I was pretty upset.
I also messaged my parents and mom and dad every so supportive! My dad even sent me a verse found in Ps 40:1 for encouragement!
And then a really cool God story happened that I feel like I need to share! Ok so as I said before I had been texting with Wade. And he told me stuff like God has other plans, and tried to use humour to help me feel better. And then a little while later I had received a picture message from Wade. I opened it up and it was super cute picture of Gracie his one year old daughter which as most of you know me of course it made me smile!!!! So I texted Wade back and said thanks Wade I defiantly needed that to smile! And he was like I am not sure what you are talking about and then he looked and told me that Logan his other one year old had actually texted me that, not him. And then I heard a voice saying 'you are welcome my daughter!' it was a little gift from God! God never ceases to amaze me!
Then Wade suggested I email Argailia Alta one of the minister that the youth and young adults team served last summer. So I did and to my shock they emailed me back in like 20 mins wanting to talk to me more! It just blew me away cuz normally it takes awhile to hear back from people. And if this isn't the path I am suppose to be the door I'm to go thru, I'll see it as a little glimpse of hope that God has my back!
However even after all of this I still felt like I had failed and felt VERY rejected, it sucked to say the least. I then went on with the rest of my 48 hr shift at Robinhood and then church and youth. Church and youth were a good way to distract me and make me forget about the way I was feeling.
But... After youth I was challenged to go back to my feelings instead of pushing them deep inside which I am VERY use to doing. I had a deep God conversation with Joanne one of my best friends! And she challenged me to bring back those feelings and to deal with them. We talked for along time like 3 or 4 hours, which made it 2:30-2:45 till we were done!
Joanne just has a way of helping me process things and asks me questions that I wouldn't have thought to ask or think about. Thru our conversation she asked me 'Carla where did you see God and His Power the most, where did you have to rely on God the most?' The answer to that question is when I was with Jo in Quito with his youth and joining him in his ministries there. Not so much at CDF. CDF was a very comfortable place where I knew what I was doing, and as a result I didn't have to rely on God as much or ever some times I felt like I didn't need Him as much. I was in constant communication with God is Quito. And I heard Him and felt His presence.
And now that I look back at it was almost like CDF was a job and what I did in Quito was the minister. And I know that God wants me in a place where I am in constant contact with Him and constant reliance on Him. To grow stronger in our relationship.
Another thing that was really cool was since being back in Canada I still have been able to minister to the youth in Quito thru Facebook! And the language barrier was not a factor!
I know with out a shadow of a doubt that God is in control of it all. And it is His desire for me to be closer to Him and to fully rely on Him in EVERYTHING! And I am not super excited to see what the next door He has for me to walk thru! Even if it's not Argailia Alta I know God has a plan for me!
So I am asking you to please partner with me in prayer that I would continue to live in God confidence and know that His plan is ultimately better then mine!
I just wanna thank you all in advance for partnering with me in this journey! It's a long journey and not the easiest, but God never said the a relationship with Him would be easy, but He did say that He will never ever leave me or forsake me!
Excitedly waiting for God