Hola! So you might be saying to yourself...'what's up with the title of your post!'
Well here is...today was a very emotional day! Let's just say I cried a lot today! I uses to see crying as a sign of weakness (and sometimes I still find myself thinking that way.).
Before I start on telling you what happened today I need to back up a bit and tell you some back ground. Some really close friends of mine were foster parents to two beautiful girls for 4.5 years...I got really close to them both, especially the older sister! And a week ago they were returned to their birth mom.
I really felt nothing when I saw them go back to their mom! I thought was weird but hey whatever right!?!
Lol wrong! Boy was I wrong! Today God brought all of it to a head! (Lol that's a weird saying!) what I mean by that's is while watching the Iris drime I find myself crying and not exactly sure why, but whatever! Ok I'm teared up, didn't think to much of it I just chalked it up to being overtired...
(The team preformed the drime at La Roca the skateboard church! It was really well done! Here is a link to it to watch it!)
So as I was saying the drime it touched me. And I went on with the rest on my day, we watched a skateboard competition and had what the Americans call a cook out!
After supper one of my girls came into my room n asked for prayers, we talked for a while n prayed for a while, I was still good! Doing leadership/ friend duty which I was so thrilled to be there, and let God use me!
Then we went to debrief and that's when it all happened...each debrief we are asked different questions and today's question was 'how are u seeing God thru our time in Ecuador? And what is He teaching you as well as what r u going to take home that u have learned or see or done?
Well God decided it was a great time to start bawling my eyes out...He showed me that I need to say goodbye and not hid under numb emotions. He also showed me that I HATE the word Bye it goodbye...I try to avoid it if I can.
As well God has revealed to me that one of the reasons why I feel like I can't connect in a deeper level, cuz I'm AFRAID they will leave me too. It stems from traumas they have received as a child.
I didn't realize that I hadn't dealt with the girls leaving...and apparently all the emotions pilled into one and came out as tears. Very releasing and free!
Oh I just realized that it was 1:30, I Better trying n go to sleep! Please pray for me! For my heart...(happy they went home to their mom,) sad, mad, disappointed. And more! As well as for me not to shut down and become numb, that I feel everything that God want me to! Thanks good night!
Lol I just realized that I fell asleep before I pressed publish! Lol apparently I was tired! It's Sunday and we are about to head to church! Will update u all later!